I am really tired and i need to go to bed, but i need to charge my ipod right now, so here i am.
我想了一件事想了很久，今天我突然完全想通了，我可以寫出來了。
I'm willing to pursue God, even if it cost me everything, even my marriage. Well, i've made this decision quite a few months ago.
As most people know, I want to get married while i'm still in my early twenties, but not now. My mom prays that i will get married when i'm 22 years old. Well, i do not disagree with her, although most people think that's it's too young. NO, IT'S NOT. i won't explain it now, cause i have something more important to say.
So like, i was just telling you guys that i REALLY want to get married someday, but if it's God's will and GRACE that i'll stay single forever, then let His will be done. It's as good as getting married. That means my heart will be totally His alone. There's nothing to fear. Even if i get married someday, the one who can satisfy my heart is God, not man. What a husband can do is to support me and to fulfill our callings together.
Anyways, i was thinking about DATING. You have to admit that almost everyone gets excited when seeing the word "dating". But sorry, what i'm going to say will totally offense you for sure.... I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DATING. (the definition of dating: two person being together before getting engaged, maybe regarding each other as girlfriend or boyfriend, and are trying to find out if they suit each other and if he or she is the one.) seriously, let me say it again. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DATING.
Why? because i believe in DIVINE MARRIAGE. I believe that God will CLEARLY tell you whether he or she is the one or not. You don't have to try to figure it out yourself and get hurt and all that stuff. If he or she is the one, then get engaged, and get married soon! This will stay you away from sinning.
Fortunately, that's how my mom thinks too. Get married as soon as possible once you are sure that he or she is the one no matter what circumstances you are in.
Think about it, if you really believe that God will tell you who the one is, then why do you have to figure it out yourself? He knows the answer, but you don't. We are just guessing around. I am sure that God will prepare your heart before telling you who the one is, so there is no need to panic that God might give you someone that you hate. I used to get really scared when i think of this, but now i know that God KNOWS my heart, and He KNOWS that i'm willing to seek His will, and HE WILL ALWAYS GIVE ME WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.
the end.
anyways, i was planning to type in Chinese, so there's one line in the top, but i don't know how i ended up typing English. aiyah... there might be lots of grammar mistakes, but i'm too tired to proofread it....
gnite.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Decision
September 16, 2008, Tuesday.
A memorable day.
I probably made one of the hardest and life changing decision in my life.
I asked my mentor to really discipline me. I mean REALLY discipline me.
I wanted my life to be changed, but in the past few weeks, i found out that you can't rely on yourself. I am weak; i can't count on myself. So i asked for help.
I asked Nicky ayi to discipline me - reporting my daily schedule, teaching me practical ways to achieve my goals at this time, correcting my character flaws and all that stuff - just to help me run the good race.
It'll hurt, i know it will. I'm not used to be disciplined by others, i used to discipline myself. But I WANT TO BE CHANGED!!!! THERE IS NO COST!
I want to change other people's life, but my life has to be changed first!!!
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE!!! TIME IS TICKING BY. every minute, every second!
and to be realistic, I AM NEARER DEATH EVERY MOMENT WITHOUT FULFILLING MY CALLING!!!!!
A memorable day.
I probably made one of the hardest and life changing decision in my life.
I asked my mentor to really discipline me. I mean REALLY discipline me.
I wanted my life to be changed, but in the past few weeks, i found out that you can't rely on yourself. I am weak; i can't count on myself. So i asked for help.
I asked Nicky ayi to discipline me - reporting my daily schedule, teaching me practical ways to achieve my goals at this time, correcting my character flaws and all that stuff - just to help me run the good race.
It'll hurt, i know it will. I'm not used to be disciplined by others, i used to discipline myself. But I WANT TO BE CHANGED!!!! THERE IS NO COST!
I want to change other people's life, but my life has to be changed first!!!
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE!!! TIME IS TICKING BY. every minute, every second!
and to be realistic, I AM NEARER DEATH EVERY MOMENT WITHOUT FULFILLING MY CALLING!!!!!
We often think that just because we want means we already are
No, just because we want to love God, doesnt mean we are.
just because we want to live holy, doesnt meant we are
We often think that as long as we are willing, time will get us there someday.
But WHEN WILL THAT SOMEDAY BE TODAY?
do you want it bad enough?
If you want it bad enough, you'll pray every day that that someday will become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do EVERYTHING you can to make that someday become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do NOTHING that will hinder you
Yes, God looks at our hearts
Yes, His grace is sufficient for us
Yes, He loves us no matter what
Yes, He's pleased with our broken and weak love
But i'm not satisfied with Him just seeing my willingness
I don't know about you, but i want to make Him proud of me.
I want to make my father proud.
On Judgment Day, i want to be able to stand before Him and hear Him call me a good and faithful servant. Not just a servant who didnt rebel, not just a servant who didnt do terribly bad stuff, not just a servant who was willing to obey but never did, I want to be called a good and faithful servant. I want to do everything i can to please Him.
Being radical or passionate is NOT a feeling. It is passion that results in standards, holy standards.
- Marian Pan
(sorry, i didn't tell you that i was going to use it.)
No, just because we want to love God, doesnt mean we are.
just because we want to live holy, doesnt meant we are
We often think that as long as we are willing, time will get us there someday.
But WHEN WILL THAT SOMEDAY BE TODAY?
do you want it bad enough?
If you want it bad enough, you'll pray every day that that someday will become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do EVERYTHING you can to make that someday become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do NOTHING that will hinder you
Yes, God looks at our hearts
Yes, His grace is sufficient for us
Yes, He loves us no matter what
Yes, He's pleased with our broken and weak love
But i'm not satisfied with Him just seeing my willingness
I don't know about you, but i want to make Him proud of me.
I want to make my father proud.
On Judgment Day, i want to be able to stand before Him and hear Him call me a good and faithful servant. Not just a servant who didnt rebel, not just a servant who didnt do terribly bad stuff, not just a servant who was willing to obey but never did, I want to be called a good and faithful servant. I want to do everything i can to please Him.
Being radical or passionate is NOT a feeling. It is passion that results in standards, holy standards.
- Marian Pan
(sorry, i didn't tell you that i was going to use it.)
新房友
那天從學校回家，看到家門有一台Lexus的車，我還跟min想說是誰的，結果一進門，發現家裏又搬來一個人，而且是一位「年輕」的男生。
我自動換了一間廁所，因為我實在覺得共用一間廁所非常的awkward。然後我也不能亂穿睡袍到處跑，雖然那真的很保暖。反正，就是AWKWARD+AWKWARD+AWKWARD。不過到目前為止，還沒什麼尷尬的事情...
Anyways，我今天從學校回來後，跟另一位阿姨在研究他吃得東西，and that made my day.
大鍋飯裡面只有一小塊肉，冰箱裡全部都是ham，因為不用煮，車庫裡一大箱的泡麵，一大罐牛奶用來吃cereal。I don't know how i will survive if i only had those food. I probably rather fast.
總之，跟一群媽媽們住慣，難得看到這麼「簡單」的食物，是在蠻有趣的。我終於知道ashley之前描述Jerry每天吃大亨堡的樣子了。
我自動換了一間廁所，因為我實在覺得共用一間廁所非常的awkward。然後我也不能亂穿睡袍到處跑，雖然那真的很保暖。反正，就是AWKWARD+AWKWARD+AWKWARD。不過到目前為止，還沒什麼尷尬的事情...
Anyways，我今天從學校回來後，跟另一位阿姨在研究他吃得東西，and that made my day.
大鍋飯裡面只有一小塊肉，冰箱裡全部都是ham，因為不用煮，車庫裡一大箱的泡麵，一大罐牛奶用來吃cereal。I don't know how i will survive if i only had those food. I probably rather fast.
總之，跟一群媽媽們住慣，難得看到這麼「簡單」的食物，是在蠻有趣的。我終於知道ashley之前描述Jerry每天吃大亨堡的樣子了。
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Wasted Words
sometimes i am get really disappointed at myself, cause i can't control my tongue all the time.
雖然我跟以前比起，已經少講很多話了。但有時，我還是覺得自己講太多。事過之後，就又覺得很後悔。
我所指的，不是那些一時口舌之快，罵人或批評人的話，而是廢話，可以不必講的話。沉默是金，這不只是一句中國成語，也在聖經中找的到。
有多少話語，是因為怕沉默、孤單所以才講的？幾乎所有都是，為了要吸引別人的注意。
耶穌有很多時間是單獨與神相處的，我相信祂平常也講很少話的。I want to be like Him.
我要學會完全享受孤獨與沉默，讓我的眼目是單單定睛在神身上，而不是人的眼光，因為他可以滿足我的心的，話語是無法滿足的。
Let my words be few.
雖然我跟以前比起，已經少講很多話了。但有時，我還是覺得自己講太多。事過之後，就又覺得很後悔。
我所指的，不是那些一時口舌之快，罵人或批評人的話，而是廢話，可以不必講的話。沉默是金，這不只是一句中國成語，也在聖經中找的到。
多言多語難免有過；禁止嘴唇是有智慧。─ 箴言10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. - Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. - Proverbs 10:19
有多少話語，是因為怕沉默、孤單所以才講的？幾乎所有都是，為了要吸引別人的注意。
耶穌有很多時間是單獨與神相處的，我相信祂平常也講很少話的。I want to be like Him.
我要學會完全享受孤獨與沉默，讓我的眼目是單單定睛在神身上，而不是人的眼光，因為他可以滿足我的心的，話語是無法滿足的。
Let my words be few.
謹守口與舌的，就保守自己免受災難。 ─ 箴言21:23
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. - Psalm 21:23
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. - Psalm 21:23
Friday, September 12, 2008
兩把椅子
i know, it's late again. but i wasn't wasting my time....
我房間裡有兩把椅子。一把是鋼琴椅，另一把是那種很舒服的辦公大椅子，有滑輪和扶手的，可以往後倒的那種。
最近的生活，非常的簡單。讀書、做家事、煮飯、敬拜、讀經、禱告、處理一些生活小事，我覺得很幸福。你無法想像。
坐在大白（就姑且這樣稱呼我的大椅子，雖然它比米色再暗一點）上面寫功課，再坐上小黑（我的鋼琴椅）彈鋼琴，並且把它錄下來，再坐回大白上面，透過那對很好的喇叭聽。你知道我從來沒有單單享受過我彈的東西（邊聽邊彈跟坐在那邊聽是完全不一樣的），我覺得好享受。這樣聽著聽著就可以遇見神。
我在台灣從來沒有過過這樣的生活，是讓我覺得這麼簡單幸福。
除了一堂很無聊的英文課，其他都是我想上的課，所一點也不覺得痛苦。雖然難，可是我讀的很開心、心甘樂意。最好的是，我除了英文跟鋼琴課，其他都是online的，所以我都超前進度，這樣就不會很緊張，可以放一天的假，就是單單的敬拜、享受神、和做生活小事（洗衣服、煮飯、寫信）。
當然也有不愉快的事情發生，或者要為一些事情禱告，但在神的平安裡，什麼事都變的幸福了。就像彈戀愛，跟愛的人在一起，什麼都變得幸福。因此我要讓神的同在、平安長住在我房間裡，因為有了這些，生活才變得幸福的。
我房間裡有兩把椅子。一把是鋼琴椅，另一把是那種很舒服的辦公大椅子，有滑輪和扶手的，可以往後倒的那種。
最近的生活，非常的簡單。讀書、做家事、煮飯、敬拜、讀經、禱告、處理一些生活小事，我覺得很幸福。你無法想像。
坐在大白（就姑且這樣稱呼我的大椅子，雖然它比米色再暗一點）上面寫功課，再坐上小黑（我的鋼琴椅）彈鋼琴，並且把它錄下來，再坐回大白上面，透過那對很好的喇叭聽。你知道我從來沒有單單享受過我彈的東西（邊聽邊彈跟坐在那邊聽是完全不一樣的），我覺得好享受。這樣聽著聽著就可以遇見神。
我在台灣從來沒有過過這樣的生活，是讓我覺得這麼簡單幸福。
除了一堂很無聊的英文課，其他都是我想上的課，所一點也不覺得痛苦。雖然難，可是我讀的很開心、心甘樂意。最好的是，我除了英文跟鋼琴課，其他都是online的，所以我都超前進度，這樣就不會很緊張，可以放一天的假，就是單單的敬拜、享受神、和做生活小事（洗衣服、煮飯、寫信）。
當然也有不愉快的事情發生，或者要為一些事情禱告，但在神的平安裡，什麼事都變的幸福了。就像彈戀愛，跟愛的人在一起，什麼都變得幸福。因此我要讓神的同在、平安長住在我房間裡，因為有了這些，生活才變得幸福的。
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
No More Blogging or Facebook
我正在改變我的生活，前面幾篇曾經說過，「There's No Cost」。代表什麼？代表要學會運用時間，在事情上面做取捨。
所以，我現在開始，不會去大部分人的blog了，除非你是我的親戚，或者你寫的文章是有意義的。我想給你們看，什麼叫有意義的文章，不過那個blog是鎖起來的。所謂有意義，對我來說，代表是在寫永恆的事。是會激勵我，讓我更多想要追求神的。我的blog也還沒到那個階段，不過我希望我能夠用白話的方式，表達我正在經歷的，代表你們也可經歷。所以有時候寫一些生活五四三，讓這裡感覺不那麼深奧、嚴肅，這樣你們才會來。不過我也在寫另一個blog，或許到時候再正式介紹給大家。
因此，你們再也不會在你們的sitemeter上面看到有從Fremont的讀者。因為我講到就做到。我不要浪費這個時間，在那邊看有的沒的、無病呻吟的blog，或者只是可看可不看的blog了。
另外，我把我的Facebook給刪了。因為那也花我太多時間。所以要是你要找我，就寫email比較快。我沒時間再浪費在Facebook上面了。
所以，我現在開始，不會去大部分人的blog了，除非你是我的親戚，或者你寫的文章是有意義的。我想給你們看，什麼叫有意義的文章，不過那個blog是鎖起來的。所謂有意義，對我來說，代表是在寫永恆的事。是會激勵我，讓我更多想要追求神的。我的blog也還沒到那個階段，不過我希望我能夠用白話的方式，表達我正在經歷的，代表你們也可經歷。所以有時候寫一些生活五四三，讓這裡感覺不那麼深奧、嚴肅，這樣你們才會來。不過我也在寫另一個blog，或許到時候再正式介紹給大家。
因此，你們再也不會在你們的sitemeter上面看到有從Fremont的讀者。因為我講到就做到。我不要浪費這個時間，在那邊看有的沒的、無病呻吟的blog，或者只是可看可不看的blog了。
另外，我把我的Facebook給刪了。因為那也花我太多時間。所以要是你要找我，就寫email比較快。我沒時間再浪費在Facebook上面了。
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom - Psalm 90:12
求你指教我們怎樣數算自己的日子，好叫我們得著智慧的心。 ─ 詩篇90:12
求你指教我們怎樣數算自己的日子，好叫我們得著智慧的心。 ─ 詩篇90:12
Sunday, September 7, 2008
追思
這是我代表我們家所寫的一篇文章，在追思中被朗讀的。
我相信他在天堂。
剛去美國讀書時，你曾在電話上幽默的答應我，要是還沒死，今年暑假就來美國看我。誰知，七月初你就發病入院了。你知道嗎？雖然回台灣的這一個月因著陪你，沒有時間見朋友或出去玩樂，但這卻是我度過最美的一個暑假。
想想我們的關係，似親卻又似遠。
從小到大，在我眼中，你一直是那種電影裡，標準快樂的外公。又唱又跳也說笑，家庭旅遊中也少不了活力與幽默。每次回台南，你也一定會大手拉小手的帶我去買我們最愛的Haagen-Dazs，我還記得你最愛酒釀櫻桃口味。
外婆過世後，我盡可的找時間陪你，相多與你相處。每回下台南，陪你到處跑跑走。有一次，你一大早就帶我去吃生牛肉麵，騎著摩托車，兩人就慢慢的摳（ㄎㄡ）到那家店，回來的路途中，才發現我們都忘了帶安全帽，不過你好像也習以為常了。只要你想做什麼，我心裡不論覺得再無趣，也都當小跟班，希望讓你不覺得孤單。因為我不想讓與外婆只有短暫相處的遺憾，再次發生。
直到近來，我才開始聽到大人眼中你，是我不認識的那一面。頓時，我才發現，我們似乎是那麼的陌生。即便如此，你仍是我所親愛的外公，永遠也不會改變。
印象中，在我小時候，我們的主題總是圍繞著聖誕老人與鋼琴。那時我還深信，你是聖誕老人的朋友呢。小時我很瘦小，因此你答應我，體重達到30公斤，就買一台grand piano送給我。可惜的是，我住的地方，一直擺不下，直好作罷。今年五月，你又再次提起了，我選擇替換成現今音色最好的一台keyboard。沒想到，我還沒學會把錄好的音樂從keyboard中轉至電腦裡，你就走了。我這次回美國，馬上就在研究，想說還是有機會，但還是太晚了。花了近十萬元，你卻沒聽過也沒見過這台keyboard。你知道我有多想讓你玩玩它嗎？我知道你一定超喜歡的。你知道我有多開心能夠擁有它嗎？我還到處跟我朋友炫耀說是我外公送我的。可是我都還來不及跟你好好的說。
我不難過你走了，這世界的苦楚太多，早點離開也好。但我每一滴眼淚是因著我不知道你去了哪而流。
親愛的外公，你最後的決定，沒有人能夠為我解答。但在這最後的生命旅途中，我看見神滿滿的恩典在你身上，不知你是否也有感覺到這份不一樣的愛。希望你我將來能在永恆相見。但願你心與我心，無縫隙，更知你心。
我愛你。
我相信他在天堂。
剛去美國讀書時，你曾在電話上幽默的答應我，要是還沒死，今年暑假就來美國看我。誰知，七月初你就發病入院了。你知道嗎？雖然回台灣的這一個月因著陪你，沒有時間見朋友或出去玩樂，但這卻是我度過最美的一個暑假。
想想我們的關係，似親卻又似遠。
從小到大，在我眼中，你一直是那種電影裡，標準快樂的外公。又唱又跳也說笑，家庭旅遊中也少不了活力與幽默。每次回台南，你也一定會大手拉小手的帶我去買我們最愛的Haagen-Dazs，我還記得你最愛酒釀櫻桃口味。
外婆過世後，我盡可的找時間陪你，相多與你相處。每回下台南，陪你到處跑跑走。有一次，你一大早就帶我去吃生牛肉麵，騎著摩托車，兩人就慢慢的摳（ㄎㄡ）到那家店，回來的路途中，才發現我們都忘了帶安全帽，不過你好像也習以為常了。只要你想做什麼，我心裡不論覺得再無趣，也都當小跟班，希望讓你不覺得孤單。因為我不想讓與外婆只有短暫相處的遺憾，再次發生。
直到近來，我才開始聽到大人眼中你，是我不認識的那一面。頓時，我才發現，我們似乎是那麼的陌生。即便如此，你仍是我所親愛的外公，永遠也不會改變。
印象中，在我小時候，我們的主題總是圍繞著聖誕老人與鋼琴。那時我還深信，你是聖誕老人的朋友呢。小時我很瘦小，因此你答應我，體重達到30公斤，就買一台grand piano送給我。可惜的是，我住的地方，一直擺不下，直好作罷。今年五月，你又再次提起了，我選擇替換成現今音色最好的一台keyboard。沒想到，我還沒學會把錄好的音樂從keyboard中轉至電腦裡，你就走了。我這次回美國，馬上就在研究，想說還是有機會，但還是太晚了。花了近十萬元，你卻沒聽過也沒見過這台keyboard。你知道我有多想讓你玩玩它嗎？我知道你一定超喜歡的。你知道我有多開心能夠擁有它嗎？我還到處跟我朋友炫耀說是我外公送我的。可是我都還來不及跟你好好的說。
我不難過你走了，這世界的苦楚太多，早點離開也好。但我每一滴眼淚是因著我不知道你去了哪而流。
親愛的外公，你最後的決定，沒有人能夠為我解答。但在這最後的生命旅途中，我看見神滿滿的恩典在你身上，不知你是否也有感覺到這份不一樣的愛。希望你我將來能在永恆相見。但願你心與我心，無縫隙，更知你心。
我愛你。
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Worshipper
我要當一位敬拜者，不是只是帶敬拜、唱唱歌而已，也更不是純玩音樂。
當我口一開，靈界就要改變，屬靈空氣也要改變。我每一句歌詞，是能觸摸神的心、是帶有權柄、是能激起其他人的靈魂。因為我是祂的Lover，那代表我不只是認識祂，我更是與祂是有親密的關係。代表我所說得每一句，是能夠使祂喜悅，是能夠打動祂的心弦。而我們的愛，是能夠激起旁觀者的心。
我要使人嫉妒我與神的關係，嫉妒到他們也要來追求這位神。因為祂所能給的，是這世界無法給的。我要讓人知道，我不只是在信一個宗教、而是真實遇見愛。
當我口一開，靈界就要改變，屬靈空氣也要改變。我每一句歌詞，是能觸摸神的心、是帶有權柄、是能激起其他人的靈魂。因為我是祂的Lover，那代表我不只是認識祂，我更是與祂是有親密的關係。代表我所說得每一句，是能夠使祂喜悅，是能夠打動祂的心弦。而我們的愛，是能夠激起旁觀者的心。
我要使人嫉妒我與神的關係，嫉妒到他們也要來追求這位神。因為祂所能給的，是這世界無法給的。我要讓人知道，我不只是在信一個宗教、而是真實遇見愛。
I Don't Care
If someone says that my life is boring, i don't care. At least I know what i'm living for; at least i have a destiny. I have only one life, and only one cause. You are just too afraid to live a life like mines, cuz you can't let go the addictions you have and those that grab your heart.
But I am free. I know what i'm doing; I know how i want to spend my life. and most of all, I LOVE my life. It's not easy, but it worths living.
If that means i have to sacrifice everything, then let it be. JESUS is so worthy that nothing can compare to Him, for He changed my life upside down and showed me truth and it IS the truth.
I want to live a life different from others, I want to devote my whole life to Him. When my life is reigned by the creator who loves me by showing it on the cross, I'm sure it's better than YOU trying to control your life when you know that you CAN'T really control anything, right?
People! When are you going to really let go of your life that you want and give it ALL to God? I mean ALL, not just a little, or some, or 99%. Don't you get it yet? God has already given you a better life that you can ever imagine, why not choose it?
But I am free. I know what i'm doing; I know how i want to spend my life. and most of all, I LOVE my life. It's not easy, but it worths living.
If that means i have to sacrifice everything, then let it be. JESUS is so worthy that nothing can compare to Him, for He changed my life upside down and showed me truth and it IS the truth.
I want to live a life different from others, I want to devote my whole life to Him. When my life is reigned by the creator who loves me by showing it on the cross, I'm sure it's better than YOU trying to control your life when you know that you CAN'T really control anything, right?
People! When are you going to really let go of your life that you want and give it ALL to God? I mean ALL, not just a little, or some, or 99%. Don't you get it yet? God has already given you a better life that you can ever imagine, why not choose it?
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