See Me Through by Tim Reimherr
As I wait for You
Would You come and see me through
The darkness of this side
I know its all for You
That in the end You would find
A pure and spotless bride
For I'm a stranger here with You
Struggling inside to be a resting place for You
And I was made to be with You
I don't truly rest until I find my rest in You
So come and see me through
As I Journey on You will lead me by Your hand
And receive me in the end
Whom have I but You
And there is none upon then earth
That can save me but You
As I journey on this path of life
Let me find favor in Your eyes
To walk humbly before Your eyes
Always, always
Whom have I in heaven but You
And only what You say
Will really see me through
Send forth Your light and truth
And lead me, lead me on
Lord have mercy
'Cause it's my only means
To find You here with me
To find You here with me
Lord have mercy
'Cause it's my only plea
To find You here with me
To find You here with me
As for me I will enter Your house
By the mercy You're giving me now
Your mercy is my only means (plea)
Life is not right until You split the sky
The Spirit and the Bride say, "Come!"
We long for the day
When You make all thing news
We want to be with You
Monday, October 13, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Your Calling
我非常厭倦聽到一些話語...
大人說：「如果我在你的年齡_____，那有多好。真希望可以重來一次。」
或
年輕人說：「我想念_____（某些回憶，尤其是朋友相聚之類的）的時候，真希望能夠再_____（也就是再次發生）。」
其實，我以前也是那樣的人。我不會講第一種人講的話，但我會希望有些場景、或者朋友的相聚能夠再一次美好的發生。
經過思考，我發現直到你真的知道你的呼召之前，其實你大部分都活在過去，懷念著過去，因為你根本不覺得未來吸引你，你已經滿足於現狀。唯有當你看清你的未來，也就是你的呼召時，才有可能像保羅說的：忘記背後，努力向著標竿直跑。
雖然我不是每天都過的很好，有時候也會遇到很不愉悅的事情，但事情一過，就讓它過去，為甚麼要一再為這些事情煩惱？這些事情值得你不斷思考嗎？難道你的人生的目的就是不斷思考過去所以有不愉快的事情嗎？或者只是沉醉於美好的回憶？這些事情，比神要給你的呼召重要？他們值得你花時間去停下來回憶，而不是繼續努力向著你的使命奔跑？
讓我跟你說，有一次我為一個人所做的事情很生氣，是非常生氣，因為我覺得他根本不尊重我。我忍不住打給我好朋友跟她抱怨，結果她根本沒安慰我，她直接問我：「這個人所做的事，與神給你的呼召比起，值得你花時間為他生氣嗎？」我的氣馬上就消了，因為我清楚知道我的呼召，所以我知道我根本沒有多餘的力氣浪費在這件事情上面。
有些人或許會說，那是因為神恩待你，讓你這麼年輕就知道你的呼召；並且也認為一般要知道自己的呼召，是需要長期的歲月才會知道。NO！只要你真的認真的想知道，跟神求，祂會跟你說。即使你現在仍不知道，你仍可以跟神說，你不想浪費你的時間，叫神現在就開始帶領你進入你的命定。
When You know the love of Christ and your calling, your life becomes meaningful and focused.
大人說：「如果我在你的年齡_____，那有多好。真希望可以重來一次。」
或
年輕人說：「我想念_____（某些回憶，尤其是朋友相聚之類的）的時候，真希望能夠再_____（也就是再次發生）。」
其實，我以前也是那樣的人。我不會講第一種人講的話，但我會希望有些場景、或者朋友的相聚能夠再一次美好的發生。
經過思考，我發現直到你真的知道你的呼召之前，其實你大部分都活在過去，懷念著過去，因為你根本不覺得未來吸引你，你已經滿足於現狀。唯有當你看清你的未來，也就是你的呼召時，才有可能像保羅說的：忘記背後，努力向著標竿直跑。
雖然我不是每天都過的很好，有時候也會遇到很不愉悅的事情，但事情一過，就讓它過去，為甚麼要一再為這些事情煩惱？這些事情值得你不斷思考嗎？難道你的人生的目的就是不斷思考過去所以有不愉快的事情嗎？或者只是沉醉於美好的回憶？這些事情，比神要給你的呼召重要？他們值得你花時間去停下來回憶，而不是繼續努力向著你的使命奔跑？
讓我跟你說，有一次我為一個人所做的事情很生氣，是非常生氣，因為我覺得他根本不尊重我。我忍不住打給我好朋友跟她抱怨，結果她根本沒安慰我，她直接問我：「這個人所做的事，與神給你的呼召比起，值得你花時間為他生氣嗎？」我的氣馬上就消了，因為我清楚知道我的呼召，所以我知道我根本沒有多餘的力氣浪費在這件事情上面。
有些人或許會說，那是因為神恩待你，讓你這麼年輕就知道你的呼召；並且也認為一般要知道自己的呼召，是需要長期的歲月才會知道。NO！只要你真的認真的想知道，跟神求，祂會跟你說。即使你現在仍不知道，你仍可以跟神說，你不想浪費你的時間，叫神現在就開始帶領你進入你的命定。
When You know the love of Christ and your calling, your life becomes meaningful and focused.
弟兄們，我不是以為自己已經得著了；我只有一件事，就是忘記背後，努力面前的，
向著標竿直跑，要得 神在基督耶穌裏從上面召我來得的獎賞。 ─ 腓立比書3:13-14
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:13-14
向著標竿直跑，要得 神在基督耶穌裏從上面召我來得的獎賞。 ─ 腓立比書3:13-14
Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:13-14
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Dating
I am really tired and i need to go to bed, but i need to charge my ipod right now, so here i am.
我想了一件事想了很久，今天我突然完全想通了，我可以寫出來了。
I'm willing to pursue God, even if it cost me everything, even my marriage. Well, i've made this decision quite a few months ago.
As most people know, I want to get married while i'm still in my early twenties, but not now. My mom prays that i will get married when i'm 22 years old. Well, i do not disagree with her, although most people think that's it's too young. NO, IT'S NOT. i won't explain it now, cause i have something more important to say.
So like, i was just telling you guys that i REALLY want to get married someday, but if it's God's will and GRACE that i'll stay single forever, then let His will be done. It's as good as getting married. That means my heart will be totally His alone. There's nothing to fear. Even if i get married someday, the one who can satisfy my heart is God, not man. What a husband can do is to support me and to fulfill our callings together.
Anyways, i was thinking about DATING. You have to admit that almost everyone gets excited when seeing the word "dating". But sorry, what i'm going to say will totally offense you for sure.... I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DATING. (the definition of dating: two person being together before getting engaged, maybe regarding each other as girlfriend or boyfriend, and are trying to find out if they suit each other and if he or she is the one.) seriously, let me say it again. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DATING.
Why? because i believe in DIVINE MARRIAGE. I believe that God will CLEARLY tell you whether he or she is the one or not. You don't have to try to figure it out yourself and get hurt and all that stuff. If he or she is the one, then get engaged, and get married soon! This will stay you away from sinning.
Fortunately, that's how my mom thinks too. Get married as soon as possible once you are sure that he or she is the one no matter what circumstances you are in.
Think about it, if you really believe that God will tell you who the one is, then why do you have to figure it out yourself? He knows the answer, but you don't. We are just guessing around. I am sure that God will prepare your heart before telling you who the one is, so there is no need to panic that God might give you someone that you hate. I used to get really scared when i think of this, but now i know that God KNOWS my heart, and He KNOWS that i'm willing to seek His will, and HE WILL ALWAYS GIVE ME WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.
the end.
anyways, i was planning to type in Chinese, so there's one line in the top, but i don't know how i ended up typing English. aiyah... there might be lots of grammar mistakes, but i'm too tired to proofread it....
gnite.
我想了一件事想了很久，今天我突然完全想通了，我可以寫出來了。
I'm willing to pursue God, even if it cost me everything, even my marriage. Well, i've made this decision quite a few months ago.
As most people know, I want to get married while i'm still in my early twenties, but not now. My mom prays that i will get married when i'm 22 years old. Well, i do not disagree with her, although most people think that's it's too young. NO, IT'S NOT. i won't explain it now, cause i have something more important to say.
So like, i was just telling you guys that i REALLY want to get married someday, but if it's God's will and GRACE that i'll stay single forever, then let His will be done. It's as good as getting married. That means my heart will be totally His alone. There's nothing to fear. Even if i get married someday, the one who can satisfy my heart is God, not man. What a husband can do is to support me and to fulfill our callings together.
Anyways, i was thinking about DATING. You have to admit that almost everyone gets excited when seeing the word "dating". But sorry, what i'm going to say will totally offense you for sure.... I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DATING. (the definition of dating: two person being together before getting engaged, maybe regarding each other as girlfriend or boyfriend, and are trying to find out if they suit each other and if he or she is the one.) seriously, let me say it again. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN DATING.
Why? because i believe in DIVINE MARRIAGE. I believe that God will CLEARLY tell you whether he or she is the one or not. You don't have to try to figure it out yourself and get hurt and all that stuff. If he or she is the one, then get engaged, and get married soon! This will stay you away from sinning.
Fortunately, that's how my mom thinks too. Get married as soon as possible once you are sure that he or she is the one no matter what circumstances you are in.
Think about it, if you really believe that God will tell you who the one is, then why do you have to figure it out yourself? He knows the answer, but you don't. We are just guessing around. I am sure that God will prepare your heart before telling you who the one is, so there is no need to panic that God might give you someone that you hate. I used to get really scared when i think of this, but now i know that God KNOWS my heart, and He KNOWS that i'm willing to seek His will, and HE WILL ALWAYS GIVE ME WHAT IS BEST FOR ME.
the end.
anyways, i was planning to type in Chinese, so there's one line in the top, but i don't know how i ended up typing English. aiyah... there might be lots of grammar mistakes, but i'm too tired to proofread it....
gnite.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Decision
September 16, 2008, Tuesday.
A memorable day.
I probably made one of the hardest and life changing decision in my life.
I asked my mentor to really discipline me. I mean REALLY discipline me.
I wanted my life to be changed, but in the past few weeks, i found out that you can't rely on yourself. I am weak; i can't count on myself. So i asked for help.
I asked Nicky ayi to discipline me - reporting my daily schedule, teaching me practical ways to achieve my goals at this time, correcting my character flaws and all that stuff - just to help me run the good race.
It'll hurt, i know it will. I'm not used to be disciplined by others, i used to discipline myself. But I WANT TO BE CHANGED!!!! THERE IS NO COST!
I want to change other people's life, but my life has to be changed first!!!
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE!!! TIME IS TICKING BY. every minute, every second!
and to be realistic, I AM NEARER DEATH EVERY MOMENT WITHOUT FULFILLING MY CALLING!!!!!
A memorable day.
I probably made one of the hardest and life changing decision in my life.
I asked my mentor to really discipline me. I mean REALLY discipline me.
I wanted my life to be changed, but in the past few weeks, i found out that you can't rely on yourself. I am weak; i can't count on myself. So i asked for help.
I asked Nicky ayi to discipline me - reporting my daily schedule, teaching me practical ways to achieve my goals at this time, correcting my character flaws and all that stuff - just to help me run the good race.
It'll hurt, i know it will. I'm not used to be disciplined by others, i used to discipline myself. But I WANT TO BE CHANGED!!!! THERE IS NO COST!
I want to change other people's life, but my life has to be changed first!!!
I DON'T HAVE TIME TO WASTE!!! TIME IS TICKING BY. every minute, every second!
and to be realistic, I AM NEARER DEATH EVERY MOMENT WITHOUT FULFILLING MY CALLING!!!!!
We often think that just because we want means we already are
No, just because we want to love God, doesnt mean we are.
just because we want to live holy, doesnt meant we are
We often think that as long as we are willing, time will get us there someday.
But WHEN WILL THAT SOMEDAY BE TODAY?
do you want it bad enough?
If you want it bad enough, you'll pray every day that that someday will become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do EVERYTHING you can to make that someday become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do NOTHING that will hinder you
Yes, God looks at our hearts
Yes, His grace is sufficient for us
Yes, He loves us no matter what
Yes, He's pleased with our broken and weak love
But i'm not satisfied with Him just seeing my willingness
I don't know about you, but i want to make Him proud of me.
I want to make my father proud.
On Judgment Day, i want to be able to stand before Him and hear Him call me a good and faithful servant. Not just a servant who didnt rebel, not just a servant who didnt do terribly bad stuff, not just a servant who was willing to obey but never did, I want to be called a good and faithful servant. I want to do everything i can to please Him.
Being radical or passionate is NOT a feeling. It is passion that results in standards, holy standards.
- Marian Pan
(sorry, i didn't tell you that i was going to use it.)
No, just because we want to love God, doesnt mean we are.
just because we want to live holy, doesnt meant we are
We often think that as long as we are willing, time will get us there someday.
But WHEN WILL THAT SOMEDAY BE TODAY?
do you want it bad enough?
If you want it bad enough, you'll pray every day that that someday will become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do EVERYTHING you can to make that someday become today
If you want it bad enough, you'll do NOTHING that will hinder you
Yes, God looks at our hearts
Yes, His grace is sufficient for us
Yes, He loves us no matter what
Yes, He's pleased with our broken and weak love
But i'm not satisfied with Him just seeing my willingness
I don't know about you, but i want to make Him proud of me.
I want to make my father proud.
On Judgment Day, i want to be able to stand before Him and hear Him call me a good and faithful servant. Not just a servant who didnt rebel, not just a servant who didnt do terribly bad stuff, not just a servant who was willing to obey but never did, I want to be called a good and faithful servant. I want to do everything i can to please Him.
Being radical or passionate is NOT a feeling. It is passion that results in standards, holy standards.
- Marian Pan
(sorry, i didn't tell you that i was going to use it.)
新房友
那天從學校回家，看到家門有一台Lexus的車，我還跟min想說是誰的，結果一進門，發現家裏又搬來一個人，而且是一位「年輕」的男生。
我自動換了一間廁所，因為我實在覺得共用一間廁所非常的awkward。然後我也不能亂穿睡袍到處跑，雖然那真的很保暖。反正，就是AWKWARD+AWKWARD+AWKWARD。不過到目前為止，還沒什麼尷尬的事情...
Anyways，我今天從學校回來後，跟另一位阿姨在研究他吃得東西，and that made my day.
大鍋飯裡面只有一小塊肉，冰箱裡全部都是ham，因為不用煮，車庫裡一大箱的泡麵，一大罐牛奶用來吃cereal。I don't know how i will survive if i only had those food. I probably rather fast.
總之，跟一群媽媽們住慣，難得看到這麼「簡單」的食物，是在蠻有趣的。我終於知道ashley之前描述Jerry每天吃大亨堡的樣子了。
我自動換了一間廁所，因為我實在覺得共用一間廁所非常的awkward。然後我也不能亂穿睡袍到處跑，雖然那真的很保暖。反正，就是AWKWARD+AWKWARD+AWKWARD。不過到目前為止，還沒什麼尷尬的事情...
Anyways，我今天從學校回來後，跟另一位阿姨在研究他吃得東西，and that made my day.
大鍋飯裡面只有一小塊肉，冰箱裡全部都是ham，因為不用煮，車庫裡一大箱的泡麵，一大罐牛奶用來吃cereal。I don't know how i will survive if i only had those food. I probably rather fast.
總之，跟一群媽媽們住慣，難得看到這麼「簡單」的食物，是在蠻有趣的。我終於知道ashley之前描述Jerry每天吃大亨堡的樣子了。
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Wasted Words
sometimes i am get really disappointed at myself, cause i can't control my tongue all the time.
雖然我跟以前比起，已經少講很多話了。但有時，我還是覺得自己講太多。事過之後，就又覺得很後悔。
我所指的，不是那些一時口舌之快，罵人或批評人的話，而是廢話，可以不必講的話。沉默是金，這不只是一句中國成語，也在聖經中找的到。
有多少話語，是因為怕沉默、孤單所以才講的？幾乎所有都是，為了要吸引別人的注意。
耶穌有很多時間是單獨與神相處的，我相信祂平常也講很少話的。I want to be like Him.
我要學會完全享受孤獨與沉默，讓我的眼目是單單定睛在神身上，而不是人的眼光，因為他可以滿足我的心的，話語是無法滿足的。
Let my words be few.
雖然我跟以前比起，已經少講很多話了。但有時，我還是覺得自己講太多。事過之後，就又覺得很後悔。
我所指的，不是那些一時口舌之快，罵人或批評人的話，而是廢話，可以不必講的話。沉默是金，這不只是一句中國成語，也在聖經中找的到。
多言多語難免有過；禁止嘴唇是有智慧。─ 箴言10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. - Proverbs 10:19
When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. - Proverbs 10:19
有多少話語，是因為怕沉默、孤單所以才講的？幾乎所有都是，為了要吸引別人的注意。
耶穌有很多時間是單獨與神相處的，我相信祂平常也講很少話的。I want to be like Him.
我要學會完全享受孤獨與沉默，讓我的眼目是單單定睛在神身上，而不是人的眼光，因為他可以滿足我的心的，話語是無法滿足的。
Let my words be few.
謹守口與舌的，就保守自己免受災難。 ─ 箴言21:23
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. - Psalm 21:23
He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity. - Psalm 21:23
Friday, September 12, 2008
兩把椅子
i know, it's late again. but i wasn't wasting my time....
我房間裡有兩把椅子。一把是鋼琴椅，另一把是那種很舒服的辦公大椅子，有滑輪和扶手的，可以往後倒的那種。
最近的生活，非常的簡單。讀書、做家事、煮飯、敬拜、讀經、禱告、處理一些生活小事，我覺得很幸福。你無法想像。
坐在大白（就姑且這樣稱呼我的大椅子，雖然它比米色再暗一點）上面寫功課，再坐上小黑（我的鋼琴椅）彈鋼琴，並且把它錄下來，再坐回大白上面，透過那對很好的喇叭聽。你知道我從來沒有單單享受過我彈的東西（邊聽邊彈跟坐在那邊聽是完全不一樣的），我覺得好享受。這樣聽著聽著就可以遇見神。
我在台灣從來沒有過過這樣的生活，是讓我覺得這麼簡單幸福。
除了一堂很無聊的英文課，其他都是我想上的課，所一點也不覺得痛苦。雖然難，可是我讀的很開心、心甘樂意。最好的是，我除了英文跟鋼琴課，其他都是online的，所以我都超前進度，這樣就不會很緊張，可以放一天的假，就是單單的敬拜、享受神、和做生活小事（洗衣服、煮飯、寫信）。
當然也有不愉快的事情發生，或者要為一些事情禱告，但在神的平安裡，什麼事都變的幸福了。就像彈戀愛，跟愛的人在一起，什麼都變得幸福。因此我要讓神的同在、平安長住在我房間裡，因為有了這些，生活才變得幸福的。
我房間裡有兩把椅子。一把是鋼琴椅，另一把是那種很舒服的辦公大椅子，有滑輪和扶手的，可以往後倒的那種。
最近的生活，非常的簡單。讀書、做家事、煮飯、敬拜、讀經、禱告、處理一些生活小事，我覺得很幸福。你無法想像。
坐在大白（就姑且這樣稱呼我的大椅子，雖然它比米色再暗一點）上面寫功課，再坐上小黑（我的鋼琴椅）彈鋼琴，並且把它錄下來，再坐回大白上面，透過那對很好的喇叭聽。你知道我從來沒有單單享受過我彈的東西（邊聽邊彈跟坐在那邊聽是完全不一樣的），我覺得好享受。這樣聽著聽著就可以遇見神。
我在台灣從來沒有過過這樣的生活，是讓我覺得這麼簡單幸福。
除了一堂很無聊的英文課，其他都是我想上的課，所一點也不覺得痛苦。雖然難，可是我讀的很開心、心甘樂意。最好的是，我除了英文跟鋼琴課，其他都是online的，所以我都超前進度，這樣就不會很緊張，可以放一天的假，就是單單的敬拜、享受神、和做生活小事（洗衣服、煮飯、寫信）。
當然也有不愉快的事情發生，或者要為一些事情禱告，但在神的平安裡，什麼事都變的幸福了。就像彈戀愛，跟愛的人在一起，什麼都變得幸福。因此我要讓神的同在、平安長住在我房間裡，因為有了這些，生活才變得幸福的。
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
No More Blogging or Facebook
我正在改變我的生活，前面幾篇曾經說過，「There's No Cost」。代表什麼？代表要學會運用時間，在事情上面做取捨。
所以，我現在開始，不會去大部分人的blog了，除非你是我的親戚，或者你寫的文章是有意義的。我想給你們看，什麼叫有意義的文章，不過那個blog是鎖起來的。所謂有意義，對我來說，代表是在寫永恆的事。是會激勵我，讓我更多想要追求神的。我的blog也還沒到那個階段，不過我希望我能夠用白話的方式，表達我正在經歷的，代表你們也可經歷。所以有時候寫一些生活五四三，讓這裡感覺不那麼深奧、嚴肅，這樣你們才會來。不過我也在寫另一個blog，或許到時候再正式介紹給大家。
因此，你們再也不會在你們的sitemeter上面看到有從Fremont的讀者。因為我講到就做到。我不要浪費這個時間，在那邊看有的沒的、無病呻吟的blog，或者只是可看可不看的blog了。
另外，我把我的Facebook給刪了。因為那也花我太多時間。所以要是你要找我，就寫email比較快。我沒時間再浪費在Facebook上面了。
所以，我現在開始，不會去大部分人的blog了，除非你是我的親戚，或者你寫的文章是有意義的。我想給你們看，什麼叫有意義的文章，不過那個blog是鎖起來的。所謂有意義，對我來說，代表是在寫永恆的事。是會激勵我，讓我更多想要追求神的。我的blog也還沒到那個階段，不過我希望我能夠用白話的方式，表達我正在經歷的，代表你們也可經歷。所以有時候寫一些生活五四三，讓這裡感覺不那麼深奧、嚴肅，這樣你們才會來。不過我也在寫另一個blog，或許到時候再正式介紹給大家。
因此，你們再也不會在你們的sitemeter上面看到有從Fremont的讀者。因為我講到就做到。我不要浪費這個時間，在那邊看有的沒的、無病呻吟的blog，或者只是可看可不看的blog了。
另外，我把我的Facebook給刪了。因為那也花我太多時間。所以要是你要找我，就寫email比較快。我沒時間再浪費在Facebook上面了。
Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom - Psalm 90:12
求你指教我們怎樣數算自己的日子，好叫我們得著智慧的心。 ─ 詩篇90:12
求你指教我們怎樣數算自己的日子，好叫我們得著智慧的心。 ─ 詩篇90:12
Sunday, September 7, 2008
追思
這是我代表我們家所寫的一篇文章，在追思中被朗讀的。
我相信他在天堂。
剛去美國讀書時，你曾在電話上幽默的答應我，要是還沒死，今年暑假就來美國看我。誰知，七月初你就發病入院了。你知道嗎？雖然回台灣的這一個月因著陪你，沒有時間見朋友或出去玩樂，但這卻是我度過最美的一個暑假。
想想我們的關係，似親卻又似遠。
從小到大，在我眼中，你一直是那種電影裡，標準快樂的外公。又唱又跳也說笑，家庭旅遊中也少不了活力與幽默。每次回台南，你也一定會大手拉小手的帶我去買我們最愛的Haagen-Dazs，我還記得你最愛酒釀櫻桃口味。
外婆過世後，我盡可的找時間陪你，相多與你相處。每回下台南，陪你到處跑跑走。有一次，你一大早就帶我去吃生牛肉麵，騎著摩托車，兩人就慢慢的摳（ㄎㄡ）到那家店，回來的路途中，才發現我們都忘了帶安全帽，不過你好像也習以為常了。只要你想做什麼，我心裡不論覺得再無趣，也都當小跟班，希望讓你不覺得孤單。因為我不想讓與外婆只有短暫相處的遺憾，再次發生。
直到近來，我才開始聽到大人眼中你，是我不認識的那一面。頓時，我才發現，我們似乎是那麼的陌生。即便如此，你仍是我所親愛的外公，永遠也不會改變。
印象中，在我小時候，我們的主題總是圍繞著聖誕老人與鋼琴。那時我還深信，你是聖誕老人的朋友呢。小時我很瘦小，因此你答應我，體重達到30公斤，就買一台grand piano送給我。可惜的是，我住的地方，一直擺不下，直好作罷。今年五月，你又再次提起了，我選擇替換成現今音色最好的一台keyboard。沒想到，我還沒學會把錄好的音樂從keyboard中轉至電腦裡，你就走了。我這次回美國，馬上就在研究，想說還是有機會，但還是太晚了。花了近十萬元，你卻沒聽過也沒見過這台keyboard。你知道我有多想讓你玩玩它嗎？我知道你一定超喜歡的。你知道我有多開心能夠擁有它嗎？我還到處跟我朋友炫耀說是我外公送我的。可是我都還來不及跟你好好的說。
我不難過你走了，這世界的苦楚太多，早點離開也好。但我每一滴眼淚是因著我不知道你去了哪而流。
親愛的外公，你最後的決定，沒有人能夠為我解答。但在這最後的生命旅途中，我看見神滿滿的恩典在你身上，不知你是否也有感覺到這份不一樣的愛。希望你我將來能在永恆相見。但願你心與我心，無縫隙，更知你心。
我愛你。
我相信他在天堂。
剛去美國讀書時，你曾在電話上幽默的答應我，要是還沒死，今年暑假就來美國看我。誰知，七月初你就發病入院了。你知道嗎？雖然回台灣的這一個月因著陪你，沒有時間見朋友或出去玩樂，但這卻是我度過最美的一個暑假。
想想我們的關係，似親卻又似遠。
從小到大，在我眼中，你一直是那種電影裡，標準快樂的外公。又唱又跳也說笑，家庭旅遊中也少不了活力與幽默。每次回台南，你也一定會大手拉小手的帶我去買我們最愛的Haagen-Dazs，我還記得你最愛酒釀櫻桃口味。
外婆過世後，我盡可的找時間陪你，相多與你相處。每回下台南，陪你到處跑跑走。有一次，你一大早就帶我去吃生牛肉麵，騎著摩托車，兩人就慢慢的摳（ㄎㄡ）到那家店，回來的路途中，才發現我們都忘了帶安全帽，不過你好像也習以為常了。只要你想做什麼，我心裡不論覺得再無趣，也都當小跟班，希望讓你不覺得孤單。因為我不想讓與外婆只有短暫相處的遺憾，再次發生。
直到近來，我才開始聽到大人眼中你，是我不認識的那一面。頓時，我才發現，我們似乎是那麼的陌生。即便如此，你仍是我所親愛的外公，永遠也不會改變。
印象中，在我小時候，我們的主題總是圍繞著聖誕老人與鋼琴。那時我還深信，你是聖誕老人的朋友呢。小時我很瘦小，因此你答應我，體重達到30公斤，就買一台grand piano送給我。可惜的是，我住的地方，一直擺不下，直好作罷。今年五月，你又再次提起了，我選擇替換成現今音色最好的一台keyboard。沒想到，我還沒學會把錄好的音樂從keyboard中轉至電腦裡，你就走了。我這次回美國，馬上就在研究，想說還是有機會，但還是太晚了。花了近十萬元，你卻沒聽過也沒見過這台keyboard。你知道我有多想讓你玩玩它嗎？我知道你一定超喜歡的。你知道我有多開心能夠擁有它嗎？我還到處跟我朋友炫耀說是我外公送我的。可是我都還來不及跟你好好的說。
我不難過你走了，這世界的苦楚太多，早點離開也好。但我每一滴眼淚是因著我不知道你去了哪而流。
親愛的外公，你最後的決定，沒有人能夠為我解答。但在這最後的生命旅途中，我看見神滿滿的恩典在你身上，不知你是否也有感覺到這份不一樣的愛。希望你我將來能在永恆相見。但願你心與我心，無縫隙，更知你心。
我愛你。
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Worshipper
我要當一位敬拜者，不是只是帶敬拜、唱唱歌而已，也更不是純玩音樂。
當我口一開，靈界就要改變，屬靈空氣也要改變。我每一句歌詞，是能觸摸神的心、是帶有權柄、是能激起其他人的靈魂。因為我是祂的Lover，那代表我不只是認識祂，我更是與祂是有親密的關係。代表我所說得每一句，是能夠使祂喜悅，是能夠打動祂的心弦。而我們的愛，是能夠激起旁觀者的心。
我要使人嫉妒我與神的關係，嫉妒到他們也要來追求這位神。因為祂所能給的，是這世界無法給的。我要讓人知道，我不只是在信一個宗教、而是真實遇見愛。
當我口一開，靈界就要改變，屬靈空氣也要改變。我每一句歌詞，是能觸摸神的心、是帶有權柄、是能激起其他人的靈魂。因為我是祂的Lover，那代表我不只是認識祂，我更是與祂是有親密的關係。代表我所說得每一句，是能夠使祂喜悅，是能夠打動祂的心弦。而我們的愛，是能夠激起旁觀者的心。
我要使人嫉妒我與神的關係，嫉妒到他們也要來追求這位神。因為祂所能給的，是這世界無法給的。我要讓人知道，我不只是在信一個宗教、而是真實遇見愛。
I Don't Care
If someone says that my life is boring, i don't care. At least I know what i'm living for; at least i have a destiny. I have only one life, and only one cause. You are just too afraid to live a life like mines, cuz you can't let go the addictions you have and those that grab your heart.
But I am free. I know what i'm doing; I know how i want to spend my life. and most of all, I LOVE my life. It's not easy, but it worths living.
If that means i have to sacrifice everything, then let it be. JESUS is so worthy that nothing can compare to Him, for He changed my life upside down and showed me truth and it IS the truth.
I want to live a life different from others, I want to devote my whole life to Him. When my life is reigned by the creator who loves me by showing it on the cross, I'm sure it's better than YOU trying to control your life when you know that you CAN'T really control anything, right?
People! When are you going to really let go of your life that you want and give it ALL to God? I mean ALL, not just a little, or some, or 99%. Don't you get it yet? God has already given you a better life that you can ever imagine, why not choose it?
But I am free. I know what i'm doing; I know how i want to spend my life. and most of all, I LOVE my life. It's not easy, but it worths living.
If that means i have to sacrifice everything, then let it be. JESUS is so worthy that nothing can compare to Him, for He changed my life upside down and showed me truth and it IS the truth.
I want to live a life different from others, I want to devote my whole life to Him. When my life is reigned by the creator who loves me by showing it on the cross, I'm sure it's better than YOU trying to control your life when you know that you CAN'T really control anything, right?
People! When are you going to really let go of your life that you want and give it ALL to God? I mean ALL, not just a little, or some, or 99%. Don't you get it yet? God has already given you a better life that you can ever imagine, why not choose it?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Goodbye.
時間：台灣12:36pm。
I don't know what to say to you. I really don't.
After I heard the news, I looked at your photos for some time; I thought of you for some moments; I cried a little.
你看似與我們親近，實際卻很遙遠。其實，我們都不瞭解你。
有你的記憶，並不多。只記得小時候，我還真的相信你是聖誕老公公的朋友，而且我到小學6年級還相信。我還記得你會吹口琴，也會幫我的小提琴調音。唱卡啦ok幾乎都90分以上。我小時候你答應我，只要體重達到30公斤就買大鋼琴送給我。從小看你打過幾次高爾夫球。有四次一竿進洞。曾經為你修理不禮貌的賣高爾夫球竿小姐。有幾年為了與表妹爭寵而常常氣哭。晚上陪你去老人pub。扶你走回家。聽到你進加護病房，急的當天回台灣...
去年我出國讀書前，你還跟我說，若暑假還活著，七月就要來美國看我。
我唯一從你那擁有的就是你為我買的80G ipod video和現在這台yamaha motif xs8的keyboard。可惜的是，你連聽我用它的機會都沒有。你不知道我多開心能夠擁有這台琴。雖然我住的地方，一直都無法擺下夢想中的grand piano，但這台琴實在可以抵了。
即使這幾年長大後，聽到大人們講了許多不為人所知的事，我仍愛你，因為你是我的外公。
其實我什麼都不在乎。我只想知道，你有沒有相信耶穌。這是我所能夠給你最好的禮物與回饋，可是我卻不知道你得到了沒有。其實令我最難過的不是你走了，而是不知道你會不會上天堂，我真的不想看到你在地獄。
我們實在不知道你在醫院最後的日子，心裡在想什麼。我只看到，神極大的恩典在你身上。但願在這段期間，你也真實的經歷到這位耶穌。
I love you.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
洗頭記
我發現我的文章好像越來越嚴肅了... 很少講到生活中的五四三。為了讓大家心情也愉悅一點，就讓我來講講我九個月以來第一次給別人洗頭的經驗。
據大家所知，我燙了爆炸頭，並且燙了之後就再也沒用過梳子，因此頭髮就有很多地方打結，甚至有小「dreadlocks」。那是什麼？請點這裡。當然，我的沒有那麼嚴重，只是一小撮打結，摸起來就跟摸狗或貓毛上面那種一球的打結一樣。Tong跟Wei還一直笑我，因為那通常只會出現在黑人的頭上，並且一般人認為，要超過一個月不洗頭也不整理頭髮才會有dreadlocks。所以.... 不過我非常的乾淨就是了。
有礙於我在美國到現在還沒有車（不過快要有了！），並且服務業也不便宜，因此我燙過頭後，就沒有給別人洗過，都是自己在洗頭。回台灣後，第一次下台南是坐我阿姨的車，到了台南，頭都癢了... 而且坐長途車是一件很累的事情（可是跟在美國有時坐從LA開到Fremont就顯得很快...）。反正，就是我頭癢可是我懶得洗頭（到台南總是會有一種懶散的感覺...）。於是我就說服我自己去給旁邊的小林髮廊連鎖店洗個頭，反正才一百多，而且我以前直頭髮時都會過去洗一洗。
果然不出我所料，給人洗頭比自己洗還累。因為那洗頭小妹一直要把我的結給解開，不管我怎麼「有禮貌」的想要叫他不要那麼做。（我燙的頭髮，其實是一條一條的，所以才好看。不像玉米鬚那樣完全的分開。不過那一條一條的，其實就是一條「結」一條結。）所以要是那小妹把我的頭髮用梳子梳開，我的髮型就毀了... 而且很醜！因此我極力的一直勸他不用解開，只要把我頭皮洗乾淨就好。
好不容易洗完了，他就開始為我梳頭髮！！！！！！！我都要發瘋了！我一直不斷說「你不用解開我頭上的結，因為實在太多了，可能會花幾個小時才能解開。」、「沒關係，你不用解開，我平常洗頭也是這樣，只要洗乾淨吹乾就好，不用那麼麻煩！」blah, blah, blah....
最後，好不容易把他打發走，換設計師來吹頭時，他又開始要解開了！我真的快要沒力氣了。又用同樣的方法，一直極力說服他不要再碰我的頭髮，只要吹乾就好！我一直跟他說，只要解開那種超大的結就好，小的不用理，因為我之後要去換髮型，所以到時再一起處理就好。反正講來講去，終於把頭髮吹乾了，也可以走人了。
看了一下時間，光是這樣洗頭家吹頭就要一個小時！我真的覺得太累了... 下次還是自己乖乖在家裡洗頭好了... （還好他們沒有真的把我所有的頭髮都拆了... 因為我的頭髮打結實在太堅固了！哇哈哈！）不過這樣下來，也可以告訴大家，要燙爆炸頭，不要隨便去一家髮廊弄，因為大部分的人都不太會洗這種頭，何況是要燙，到時候弄出一個老太婆的髮型，就別怪是我跟你講錯髮型的名字了！
據大家所知，我燙了爆炸頭，並且燙了之後就再也沒用過梳子，因此頭髮就有很多地方打結，甚至有小「dreadlocks」。那是什麼？請點這裡。當然，我的沒有那麼嚴重，只是一小撮打結，摸起來就跟摸狗或貓毛上面那種一球的打結一樣。Tong跟Wei還一直笑我，因為那通常只會出現在黑人的頭上，並且一般人認為，要超過一個月不洗頭也不整理頭髮才會有dreadlocks。所以.... 不過我非常的乾淨就是了。
有礙於我在美國到現在還沒有車（不過快要有了！），並且服務業也不便宜，因此我燙過頭後，就沒有給別人洗過，都是自己在洗頭。回台灣後，第一次下台南是坐我阿姨的車，到了台南，頭都癢了... 而且坐長途車是一件很累的事情（可是跟在美國有時坐從LA開到Fremont就顯得很快...）。反正，就是我頭癢可是我懶得洗頭（到台南總是會有一種懶散的感覺...）。於是我就說服我自己去給旁邊的小林髮廊連鎖店洗個頭，反正才一百多，而且我以前直頭髮時都會過去洗一洗。
果然不出我所料，給人洗頭比自己洗還累。因為那洗頭小妹一直要把我的結給解開，不管我怎麼「有禮貌」的想要叫他不要那麼做。（我燙的頭髮，其實是一條一條的，所以才好看。不像玉米鬚那樣完全的分開。不過那一條一條的，其實就是一條「結」一條結。）所以要是那小妹把我的頭髮用梳子梳開，我的髮型就毀了... 而且很醜！因此我極力的一直勸他不用解開，只要把我頭皮洗乾淨就好。
好不容易洗完了，他就開始為我梳頭髮！！！！！！！我都要發瘋了！我一直不斷說「你不用解開我頭上的結，因為實在太多了，可能會花幾個小時才能解開。」、「沒關係，你不用解開，我平常洗頭也是這樣，只要洗乾淨吹乾就好，不用那麼麻煩！」blah, blah, blah....
最後，好不容易把他打發走，換設計師來吹頭時，他又開始要解開了！我真的快要沒力氣了。又用同樣的方法，一直極力說服他不要再碰我的頭髮，只要吹乾就好！我一直跟他說，只要解開那種超大的結就好，小的不用理，因為我之後要去換髮型，所以到時再一起處理就好。反正講來講去，終於把頭髮吹乾了，也可以走人了。
看了一下時間，光是這樣洗頭家吹頭就要一個小時！我真的覺得太累了... 下次還是自己乖乖在家裡洗頭好了... （還好他們沒有真的把我所有的頭髮都拆了... 因為我的頭髮打結實在太堅固了！哇哈哈！）不過這樣下來，也可以告訴大家，要燙爆炸頭，不要隨便去一家髮廊弄，因為大部分的人都不太會洗這種頭，何況是要燙，到時候弄出一個老太婆的髮型，就別怪是我跟你講錯髮型的名字了！
家人
對，我低調的回到台灣了，你若現在才知道，不用難過。回來的前十天，除了家人，台灣的朋友幾乎都不知道，十根手指頭數的出來。7月23日回來的。至今只吃過一頓飯局，也沒見什麼朋友。去教會參加崇拜也是開始前才到，結束就離開。到現在都還沒跟我的11一起吃過飯！！！！！！
其實外公生病了，所以才提早回台灣。
我一半的時間都在台南，所以我的行程一直都在未知數。特別的人物除外，我都不太會主動約出來，因為我不想隨便放鴿子。
青少年時，或許大家都認為朋友比較重要。寧可與父母吵翻天只為了去做一件與「朋友」有關的事情，而且那件事回頭看，似乎很蠢。可是出國後，才會發現家人是多麼的重要。在國外，不是說想見面就能見面。
今年，我開始做出一些異於往常的決定。簡單來說，我寧可選擇家人甚於朋友。前提是知道：自己跟家人相處當中一定會有不愉快的時候，或者會非常的沒事做... 並且還把朋友給得罪了。
這次外公的整件事，我發現，被別人罵的臭頭、不如狗又如何，至少我知道我要的、至少我很快樂、至少我還有家人。失去了一兩個朋友又如何，至少我認出了真正的朋友 ─ 會支持、給我鼓勵的。
【我的外公與表妹】
【having dinner with my cousins and Tong and Wei.】
其實外公生病了，所以才提早回台灣。
我一半的時間都在台南，所以我的行程一直都在未知數。特別的人物除外，我都不太會主動約出來，因為我不想隨便放鴿子。
青少年時，或許大家都認為朋友比較重要。寧可與父母吵翻天只為了去做一件與「朋友」有關的事情，而且那件事回頭看，似乎很蠢。可是出國後，才會發現家人是多麼的重要。在國外，不是說想見面就能見面。
今年，我開始做出一些異於往常的決定。簡單來說，我寧可選擇家人甚於朋友。前提是知道：自己跟家人相處當中一定會有不愉快的時候，或者會非常的沒事做... 並且還把朋友給得罪了。
這次外公的整件事，我發現，被別人罵的臭頭、不如狗又如何，至少我知道我要的、至少我很快樂、至少我還有家人。失去了一兩個朋友又如何，至少我認出了真正的朋友 ─ 會支持、給我鼓勵的。
【我的外公與表妹】
【having dinner with my cousins and Tong and Wei.】Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Let's DANCE!
Dance / Suzy Wills Yaraei
Verse 1
I’m after Your heart
Why should I be still
When the worship starts, Lord
I’m so in love with You
What can man do
Can’t hold me back anymore
Verse 2
You spin over me
And You are pleased
When I spend myself on You
I’m gonna let go now
Really worship
Letting my dance come forth
Chorus
Dance, dance
Let the spirit move You
Dance, dance
Holy spirit in You
Heather Clark是一位很有恩膏的敬拜主領。她在Florida的復興特會當中，跳了一段先知性的爭戰舞蹈，被貼在youtube上面，有些人回應說她是被邪靈附身，而這是她在她blog中的一段回應：
"At first I was shocked. Then I was a bit hurt. I wanted to be pastoral and explain how dance was scriptural and how it was of God and all that. That was for a few days. Then all of a sudden, people got so ridiculous that I flipped my attitude over and all I could think was “I WILL BECOME EVEN MORE UNDIGNIFIED THAN THIS!!”
Because MY Jesus is worthy of more than my apathetic singing and occasional hand lifting. He’s worthy of every dance and song I could give. He’s worthy of a flag, or jump or a spin. He’s worthy if me sky diving if I do it in His name. He’s worthy of climbing the highest mountain. He’s worthy of my painting, my theatre, my poetry. He’s worthy of anything I could possibly give.
I beseech you therefore brethren in view of the mercy of God to present yourselves as living sacrifices before the Lord for this is you REASONABLE act of worship. We do something that costs us something in worship and we think we’re so extravagant. Living our lives completely laid down giving everything, a living sacrifice is only reasonable. It’s elementary. Not extravagant. And I don’t want just reasonable worship. Living life that is all God’s is the bottom line of standard. If I have a gift to give, I better give it. Not I should just hold it back and decide whether i want to use it for God. I better not hold it back. I want to give EVERYTHING in my worship. Everything.
And I will become even more undignified than this."
看懂了嗎？反正主要是在講：我的耶穌配得我獻上一切來祂。我們有時候在敬拜時會做一些需要我們付上代價的事情，我們就認為我們已經做的很好了、做到超過「我們一般需要達到的標準」，可是這其實才是最基本的！一點也都不極端。我不想要只要一個平常、一般的敬拜，我要獻上「一切」！
你知道嗎？我們常覺得上下跳動就已經是我們敬拜的極限了，但你有沒有試過，像「瘋子」一樣轉圈加上身體的動作，就像你在自己房間裡聽音樂有時候會突然發瘋似的開始手足舞蹈。很過癮對吧？
我跟marian現在有名的就是我們的「weird dance」。因為我們雖然不會跳什麼hip hop或其他的舞蹈，但我們會像小孩子一樣的瘋狂的亂轉、手足舞蹈的跳舞。因為神就是這麼的配得，就算失去所有的面子，那又怎麼樣。嘗過那種完全釋放的喜樂，會上癮。那真的是，就算跳到累的要站不起來，還是會跳下去，因為實在太開心了，不跳不行。那種滿足，就是我們一生都在尋求的，看電影、交往、任何想得到的娛樂都無法比較的。
I DON'T CARE HOW YOU LOOK AT ME. MY JESUS IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT AND WORTHY THAN YOU.
Verse 1
I’m after Your heart
Why should I be still
When the worship starts, Lord
I’m so in love with You
What can man do
Can’t hold me back anymore
Verse 2
You spin over me
And You are pleased
When I spend myself on You
I’m gonna let go now
Really worship
Letting my dance come forth
Chorus
Dance, dance
Let the spirit move You
Dance, dance
Holy spirit in You
Heather Clark是一位很有恩膏的敬拜主領。她在Florida的復興特會當中，跳了一段先知性的爭戰舞蹈，被貼在youtube上面，有些人回應說她是被邪靈附身，而這是她在她blog中的一段回應：
"At first I was shocked. Then I was a bit hurt. I wanted to be pastoral and explain how dance was scriptural and how it was of God and all that. That was for a few days. Then all of a sudden, people got so ridiculous that I flipped my attitude over and all I could think was “I WILL BECOME EVEN MORE UNDIGNIFIED THAN THIS!!”
Because MY Jesus is worthy of more than my apathetic singing and occasional hand lifting. He’s worthy of every dance and song I could give. He’s worthy of a flag, or jump or a spin. He’s worthy if me sky diving if I do it in His name. He’s worthy of climbing the highest mountain. He’s worthy of my painting, my theatre, my poetry. He’s worthy of anything I could possibly give.
I beseech you therefore brethren in view of the mercy of God to present yourselves as living sacrifices before the Lord for this is you REASONABLE act of worship. We do something that costs us something in worship and we think we’re so extravagant. Living our lives completely laid down giving everything, a living sacrifice is only reasonable. It’s elementary. Not extravagant. And I don’t want just reasonable worship. Living life that is all God’s is the bottom line of standard. If I have a gift to give, I better give it. Not I should just hold it back and decide whether i want to use it for God. I better not hold it back. I want to give EVERYTHING in my worship. Everything.
And I will become even more undignified than this."
看懂了嗎？反正主要是在講：我的耶穌配得我獻上一切來祂。我們有時候在敬拜時會做一些需要我們付上代價的事情，我們就認為我們已經做的很好了、做到超過「我們一般需要達到的標準」，可是這其實才是最基本的！一點也都不極端。我不想要只要一個平常、一般的敬拜，我要獻上「一切」！
你知道嗎？我們常覺得上下跳動就已經是我們敬拜的極限了，但你有沒有試過，像「瘋子」一樣轉圈加上身體的動作，就像你在自己房間裡聽音樂有時候會突然發瘋似的開始手足舞蹈。很過癮對吧？
我跟marian現在有名的就是我們的「weird dance」。因為我們雖然不會跳什麼hip hop或其他的舞蹈，但我們會像小孩子一樣的瘋狂的亂轉、手足舞蹈的跳舞。因為神就是這麼的配得，就算失去所有的面子，那又怎麼樣。嘗過那種完全釋放的喜樂，會上癮。那真的是，就算跳到累的要站不起來，還是會跳下去，因為實在太開心了，不跳不行。那種滿足，就是我們一生都在尋求的，看電影、交往、任何想得到的娛樂都無法比較的。
I DON'T CARE HOW YOU LOOK AT ME. MY JESUS IS MUCH MORE IMPORTANT AND WORTHY THAN YOU.
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